OMG im retarted...

I did coke again, and I have to get up in a few hours... what was i thinking! my life has turned weird. Its my bros bday today! Im so awake... all i want is sleep... and to buy my bro a bday present. that would be fun.

I got to hang out with Aaron again, all day i did nothing but clean, i cleaned out the old energy in my basement and it feels good! I was hanging out planning on staying in because i thought no one wanted to go down to the bar w/me and i dint want to go alone, and i didnt really want to do anything at all becuase i was lazy and wanted to be well rested for tomorrow.. but Aaron showed up around 10 and we hung around my basement and chatted, he brought a couple drinks so we decided to go out on the town and have more fun, we talked forever at Regis, we probably could have stayed there forever! then we finally made it to fitzys, cat was there with justin and jamie and we sat with them for a while, and randalin was there and she seemed happy happy vibes, the bar was pretty empty tho, we walked over to tiffs to see if junior was still playing except we just missed them, i saw taso and a couple other people there and they came back to fitzys with me and aaron. it was alright but everyone including me seemed tierd. then aarons sis showed up and she took us to one of her friends houses who had lots of the scary white stuff. it was kind of a weird vibe becuase i knew no one there, but i got to know aarons sister a bit better and her friend jen. the guy who gave us the scary white stuff, ive suposivly met a few times and he made me feel bad that i didnt remember him, he also said in a bad way that ive been hanging out at the bar alot, and he made me feel bad. it was weird. i think he thought i was someone else becasue he said he met me last year and i only turned 19 in the summer, anyways weird... then me and aaron went to reggis again accept it was closed even tho the open sign was on, so instead we went to golden griddle and drank alot of coffee... oh,, im so dumb. now im so awake. it sucks. so im going to write. i hate being out of college and still not having a good paying job, its not fair. im going to TO on monday to search for a job with ali but still i feel so jipped. but it is a good career for an artist.a starving artisit.

wow i really think the world is so crazy, i dont know whats right or wrong anymore. in my mind im doing the right thing but it seems like im going in a circle. wow the sun is comming up again!! weee

i love friendships they are awsome. i wish everyone was friends and we sang the friendship lolipop song. grrr then i wish i was the only one alive well not really. sometimes i wonder about you. sometimes i wonder about the candy machines. where does all that candy come from! where is my mind..

so im sitting next to three people one has diamond studded earings and the others are poor and they live on the street. they tell me things that effect my judgment and i give them both the option to jump off a cliff with me. they take my purse and buy a hellicopter instead and fly over the himalayas. they are all sure that the tooth fairy is sitting with their teeth somewhere making castles out of them. so they started to run all around my house and i finally saw the stranger who peers though my window. i knew i would never be ready to see his dead face because i knew it was there lurking in the air with its skin far away from its body, its face swarms my vision and i run outside to see the helicopter fly over my house. whats going on!