2018-05-16 / / / / -

I love reading back in my old entries. It makes me wonder how being so evolved I still can get stuck going backwards. I am definetly a dreamer. So I get the creative struggle starving artist thing. But I don't think I've ever let myself just live. I'm always focused on making my life so difficult!!!! It's hillarious. I love being torchured by male narcasists. It seems like it's a hobby to me. And I love running away from problems I get into. I don't know how stupid I can be to get right into the problems. It's like I'm so fucking naive. Its fucking crazy. I think there has never been a moment in a relationship where i have been selfish. I always get manipulated into the needs and wants of my partner. No wonder I have a struggle with knowing who I am. People have always manipulated me into what they want. Or who they are. I def. benefited from therapy and counseling. It helped me pull apart the tangles and clean out my emotions. I was a big balled up mess. Not sure where or why one feeling was coming from.A They were all mixed up and confuising eachother. Thank god i am still home and paying off my debts and calming down. All of this photography tarot card nonsense has turned me into a hobo. I am smart

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