yawn

had a stupid morning.

im still poor so it made my morning stupid. it seems my job forgot what day paychecks are supose to be given to us, so im screwed to buy the last of my materials i need. grrr which leaves me lost. i got some homework done this morning. just have to finish bead setting and this history project im working on right now. but i need a setting bur for bead setting and its 8$ i dont have stupid 8$ ah ah ah ahahahah yes. going skate boarding at 615 with meredeth, talked to rus last night,and he asked me to hang out w/him i told him that im a gaytard and i cant really hang out with him becuase i have a b/f i think i was a retard on the weekend, so many things that happened i didnt really have any clue that happened. like how i explained i am a lesbian to andy?! ha im a retard, i think im more embaressed. and i kissed rus right in front of him, which meredeth told me i did yesterday and andy pretended like he didnt know and he was waiting for me to tell him. ah! i had a fun weekend, i enjoy drinking it helps me be crazy and i feel so un crazy lately. but he called me a slut. and i kinda feel like a slut. but i dont know, it really hurt andy and i feel really bad. but i kinda just wanted time away from him to see if i still like him or not, becuase im really not sure!!!!!!! all i know is i care for him and think its selfish to hurt him when he is the nicest person alive. so i wish i could do the right thing but i dont know what that is.

anyways its been on my mind alot and i realized the anxiety in my stomach was all about him, because it hurt even more when i was talking to him yesterday. i just wish everything was over and i lived far away and stopped interfeiring in peoples lives. yes run away. but as for that im hungry, and my hair has been exactly the same for three days, its funny. i feel like never bathing, altho the pits are getting nasty! ok thats me and my confusion. god save us all!