I sit and worry about wanting to accomplish more. But I know I will never finish my endless to do list. I am obsessed with making them. First there is a thought, then another. Then a problem.
And then a solution. My todo lists shape my day. They make my day. All I am is a complete lost todo list.
My energy spins around the room after watching Maynard sing and embrace energy from spirit. Or so, I am not quite convinced I know what he is doing.
I want to sit here and write how I feel, or explain what I am really thinking. My focus is mixing itself between past and future. and present doesn't really know where it belongs.
I want to share all of the realizations I had today. I want to explain them to someone. To everyone. To anyone.
I want to explain how I see the world, how I make sense of it. My perception of reality. And your reality.
When I think really hard, I go to this white place of energy. It's warm. its complete it is satisfying. I want to share that type of energy with you. I am sitting in Gary's house right now, his house is shaped from his past, but opening the door to the future. he walks through the present with happiness and confidence in his decisions.
He is older than me, but he is young in spirit.
I try to connect these thoughts but Alexander McQueen jumps in and says its not yet time. I don;t know what he means.
I told Gary all of my stories, I told him about Evan, about Joy, about Thomas, about my books, about my worries, about my band. i showed him my drums.
he told me about getting hit in the head with a rock from other kids when he wanted to use the swing.
I told him about the nursing job, about lisa, about destiny.
About taking naked pictures together. About making a movie. about moving about my fears, about drumming about guttering. pretty much about everything.
Ian sure he is very kind and very loving and very honest. and hopeful and powerful and spiritual. and guiding me