communicating is hard..
oh man
So my life on Lithium is great, it has changed me so much. i love it. except it doesnt react to well with alcohol, whenever i have a drink. i go right back to the old me. and its depressing.
I never thought i would take meds, or aappretiate them, but i cant wait until i up my dose, it really helps to motivate me, and see clearly. i gap out alot, but i avoid thinsg a little less. and have less freakout mood swings. but like i said the alcomahol is a no no.
I watched maria full of grace the other day, it made me feel so weird.. it said on the cover based on a thosand true stories, it was about a girl who got pregnenet in columbia, and went to the us to smuggle drugs, for money. and when she got there things changed and she wanted a better life for her and her baby. so she stayed. it was beutiful.. i feel sad that i didnt think of that, in a way though i feel like thats completly what i did. when i found out i was pregnent it was such a shock to me, i had no direction and nothing to offer a baby, except my parents house, and a little money.. from my credit cards.
So comming home and going to school. getting a job and growing up a little, has kinda made sense to me. you have to sacrifice a little. i want to feel like i would be able to raise a kid on my own. then i think my life would be ok. But my life was so irresponsible, and unstable that my kid would have probably been taken from me by some child ade people.
Looking back on who i was, is really strange. Im not really sure why i did most of the things I did. I guess I was just trying to hide my sadness.