yes me happy, this weekend was fun!

today i spent being hungover, and listeing to the greatful dead! ha. its been wonderful. Brianne suprised me and took me out for a milkshake, and some talkege, and meredeth and me made a big breakfast and listened to lots of music, she stayed over at russes with me last nite. and were just friends. friends. friends friends. im affraid andy wont understand, im also dumb to think he wont get upset but i dont know both times we hung out i was pretty drunk. we just had a good time. no harm done right? ah i feel bad. anyways im gonna talk to andy about it, lately ive been wanting to not spend time with him, i wish i really knew if i liked him or if he likes me? i really dont know... i feel like i should be single, and indipendent, alone and focused in friends, i dont spend enough time with friends. i dont know i think me and andy have alot in common and if we broke up it would be a mistake, but i feel like we arent going out., hum hum hum. well. the confusion eats at my mind. i know if i broke up with andy and fooled around with russ, it would be poitnless and i would be looking for another b/f again. and i know if i broke up with andy right now i wouldnt want to be in another relationship for a while anyways. AH im going to shut up. but this is my diary. my openness and place to vent. but people i know read this.. Hello? hehe. well back to the weekend. yesterday me and meredeth went to the gym and we went skateboarding, and walking, and swimming and ate junk food, and made a giant healthy dinner with porgoies, and carrots, and pees, and salad, salad that made me smell like garlic. then we drank in my basement and danced around to grade, good times. we went to fitzys and became very drunk, i belive i was babbling to lots of people, and i gave one of my necklaces to carly, and tried to read a strangers aura, but i think i was drunk and probably was scaring her! haha it was fun anwyas. life is silly. i feel like a huge weight is off my back and im enjoying things, were going out to mase hall soon, me cat b and meredeth, and russ, i think im scared. im not going to drink. i wish i was an alcoholic and addicted to cocain life would be so retarted haha. i like flowers. you know they are cool. flowers and butterflys they make me happy. they really do. and things that smell good, like vanilla and stuff. its great, the ocean makes me very happy to, if i think about for a minute its like meditating and it takes my mind away.... into the clouds, oh yes i like those to. theres nothing to be depressed about, thats just selfishness. take the selfishness away! its time to take over. i wish i knew things. that i was smarter. that i didnt gossip, that i didnt get mad. or self absorbed, i wish i gave more, and tried new things. i wish i would take my mom out for coffee, and get enlightnened by the crazy life storys my dad has. and i wish i could be there for people, when they are sad and i will tell them that everything will be ok. yes and i also wish i had the devils powers and i could lift busses and throw them at walmart.

wait im deconstructing the information. no one take my soul no one take my soul!

time is so far away