gooood after noon

so its saturday nite. right now im eating vegetables, i just finished watching welcome to the doll house

it was interesting, it was by the same person who made happiness and storytelling. it was pretty much along the same lines as those movies, a child in a messed up family (typical all american success driven perfect family..) whatever the person who makse those movies must have had a fucked up childhood or something becuase i couold never make a movie like that.. i mean i know theres perverted people out there and crap but im not one of them.

seeing through humankind is almost understanding youself. learning how you became u, the journeys you went through as a child and how you reflect your parents choices.

i mean we dont have to be robots to society. not enough people break out of that steryotype of a family.. i mean melesting your kids is not the direction im going in, but hmm

the world is fucked up. and i would rather be living in my mind then in this place with people who show so much hate. i mean everyone can love, but were to picky.. we dont care to think about the ones we dont love. i mean i could chop off a cows head i dont know and eat it in a second, so why wouldnt i cut off a humans head and eat there brains? you know its not that weird we are all animals, and if we dont know eachother, how do we even know we excperience feelings or pain.

my view is that every human probably can feel love and pain, maybe all in different contex, but if your mom or someone who cared for you was murdered you would probably be sad. thats why i dont understand how people can kill people if they know what love is...

maybe some of us are robots. some people are fucked up beacuse there parents did alot of drugs but what about the people who are normal and are driven to do things because the pepole around them are doing it..

like me? i listen to music and do my hair and talk on the phone and all that crap, buy new clothes so im just fitting into some level of understanding i have of what it is to be human. I mean sooner or later were going to realize theres worse things out there then bad people, we can do alot more together then agaisnt eachother. like if a mass virus or something comes or something us as a planet have to fear together like a comet or something wed all go mad and probably kill eachother or maybe wed all be as one and help eachother whatever. were all living in a life of fear... why did yu buy your first pair of nikes? becuae you were in fear of your class mates making fun of you for havig crappy shoes..

why did you get your first job? because you were in fear you wouldnt have enough money to get the things you needed like perfume and candy.

why do you goto school? becuase your in fear of your parents being disapointed in you. your in fear of becomming no one, and being without anything, which is completly fucked up when everything is money and stability i mean i was caught in that whole allusion when i get everything i need then the world will stop and i will be fine. but the world never stops, you only have memorys, the seconds are impossible to hold onto for more than a second. you can try to grasp everything all at once before it changes and spits you back on the ground but as soon as that moment is gone you have new things to tackle.

thats where the evil governemt comes in, well its actually not very evil here in canada, mostly becasue the people who are here are the wackos who wanted to live for themselves out in the bush somehwere and be freeer, so our government is kinda better for us.. but they still cover all the what ifs, like what if i break my arm tomorrow, or what if i lose my job and need welfare, or what if i want to goto spain i need a passport saying im a citizn somewhere. im not going to judge any other form of government becuaase i dont know it. i dont like that my mind only knows of anything else in the world through tv and the internet. everything i take in i want to be from my eyes. what in the world am i talking about.

ok im stepping of my plain of confusioness and im going to say thankyou to all those people who are actually nice.. and all those people who actually take time to think and use there mind...

ok cioa for now