when i talked to james on the phone today this is the conversation we had.
I was first getting annoyed about waiting to figure out what i was doing. i had insercurities bubbling about what he would think about me if I didnt have a proper job and what my life would entail.
He said he would like me for whatever i do, whether i want to go to lethbridge and take pictures, or if i want to do tarot card readings. he said when i get to lethbridge, i can get any job it doesnt have to be crazy. he said his parents wouldnt be breathing down my back, but it would be nice for me to get a job for the social aspect. he said it wouldnt be an ideal place to live obviously, but we would make it work.
I have ideas of renting a place in ontario, and the opportunities i would have here. the jewellery school, the hair supply store, the art supplies, the nature, the connectedness to other cities. The people family friends, just not so much in a bubble.
but i was happy in ft mac in my bubble.
he said i would be ok with him, and that he is thinking of not just spending a bit of time with me. but lots of time. he said he is crazy about me. and that im hard on myself. he would like me depending on whichever troubles i go through and to not get caught up in the things that arent real. like worrying about what hasnt happened yet. and to fill the relationship with positive and happiness. becuase we could work on things and that would be really great. Feed the wolf the positive one.
James is so smart and was able to predict my fears and worries and see there outcomes. he was upset that i thought about just aborting the plan because it was hard and stressful. he would feel bad if i came there and opportunities were crappy.
he didnt want me to sacrifice something like that.
i had ideas of maybe we were rushing into things and i didnt know him very well. but come on, he is so amazing. Please stop changing your mind. and stick to the plan of going to see him in Lethbridge.
its exciting for me to think of getting a job there