good day
what a good day...
its monday night, what a wonderful nite.. im in my basement getting ready to watch some more movies, alone...
i wish it wasnt raining beucase i could have gone skating. I went to the gym and went to work, and went to see Aaron at curts,. and saw josh while iwas working out.. and I even saw Jeff today at the bus terminal while i was comming back from dropping off my van.
last night me and jeff saw Anger Managment then we kissed, and went to Masse hall where we saw Meredth and Andrew and Jon Boyer, Meredeth and andrew are one hot item haha. but i think they do like eachother which is cute. Meredeth bought me crystal healing rocks that were neet. but OMG shes creeping me out, i feel like shes copying me and i cant stand it. she mentioned getting the exact same tattoos as me on my neck, the stars, and she got an OM purse like mine, and tarot cards, and AH i cant handle it. must kill must kill. oh well thats not who I am anyways, im glad i feel i inspired her but AH AH AH she even mentioned getting dreads, and she always says how our body types are exactly the same, because we work out together, oh im affraid. i dont like the fact that someone out there can not care about being like someone else, like im not really one to care about how different people are, because were not different at all. were just Superficial. and she inside is differnt from me, so we all have our own little identitys, anyways. AHHH
I dont know about Jeff, i really really really do NOT want a b/f i thought maybe if a nice guy came around it would be like every other guy and i would want to be with him just cuz i feel lonely, but deep down inside me I know something is different becuase i already am terrifide about spending to much time with jeff and iwant to end things now before they start. I already feel him stealing my energy, and myself stupidly trying to impress him, blinded by hormones. i hate it. hes nice and we talk alot but i see absolutly no reaosn at all for us to date, i see no purpose! the stupid holding hands or the kissing oh god... its so annoying, im attracted to him and i want to jump his bones, but my soul has been attacked by to many guys who hurt me. to want to be hurt again.
that may sound completly retarted comming out of my mouth becuase i have broken up with every single one of my b.fs but, it has been for good reasons...
plus every guy i date i want to be his friend, an honest reliable friend, not a stupid bitch. so its really hard when i break up with someone and we dont talk because he has a new g/f.. thats not the way i work. if once in your life you are attracted to someone, or you see something in them that makes you feel complete, or at least happy, i think you will be forever and your only lying to yourself if you discontinue the friendship. anyways i find it hard, i feel giantly replaced and un original... its like i turn my back on a guy and hes found another girl who reminds me of me, maybe im just crazy.. but Mickey and Brianne.. everyone tells me how much im like her, and Curtis and Jen, i know thats been blown out of proportion, but even Justin dated her to.. I cant handle it. and then meredeth being short and almost the same as me, and she was telling me andy was with a short blonde girl on saturday at fitzys. i feel stupid like im a short girl so certain guys date me, becuase obviously thats what they look for becuase i see there new girlfriends. fuck. i hate guys.
anyways.