ive had a hard time quitting doing eyelashes. and quitting fort mac.
i have a nursing job here now. so im preparing for it. its been a lot of work and making me very exhuasted. it makes sense working on it however.
i really havent been able to work steady as a lash tech since jan. i think the glue actually does make me sick. its so weird. i also havent been able to do tarot readings, or reiki.
im too sensitive to peoples energy here.
It burns my soul that im still stuck here.
im so poisoned inside.
I want to leave.
but i have no where to go.
i have never hated where i live so much.
its a horrible trap.
i dont have enough money to leave but just barely enough to stay.
and some tiny part of me stays, and keeps trying
I think i am in one of those abusive relationships that drains me of all vital energy.
I wish i could leave.
Maybe im in a good relationship.
except when we have sex hes aggressive. i cant handle it much longer. I really am trapped.
he wants me to feel loved. but he doesnt love me.
he keeps me here. like a pet
wtf why am i so weak.
i have reiki tomorrow maybe i will be positive again. i just wish this nightmare would end.
Trust me i am 100% positive and love every part of this experience. but i dream of living somewhere nice where you can do stuff
Im trapped in a city that burnt down with nothing to do, no where to go. I appreciate garbage that lays on cement.
its good. trust me know. i know how to look at it positively and know some people have it worse.
But why would i make myself here?
out of all places.
maybe its just the earth in whole.
its poisoned there is no where nice left on it anymore.
once i start working. i will have money i wont be depressed. maybe i can keep seeing that nice lady at TD what was her name?
Ill have to just call and see her, especially when i start working.
Imagine if i did microblading on the side? nurisng and microblading>
Maybe out of Laceys? I can get funding from MEdicard and order everything. and be really good at it.
And then id do photography too.
i have so many talents. i cant pick any.
lately i have too much anxiety to do any of them. its been tough.
ive been doodling and painting and photographing. but god has brought the same few people to me. and they make me depressed.
Ill get it soon. i think its the lashes. i think they are poisoning me. i should sell that shit.
and work harder to find a real job.
hair bothered me. the kids, and the weird ladies. i dont really know how to do hair anymore.
I need a different job . that one isnt realstic,
and i could just as easily do art, or tarot.
SO i should. get it done.
DO it! maybe its not this place, or the bf. maybe it is me