I really like James but I dont know how The FUCK I can stay in HELLLLLLLL
Yes Fort McMUrray is actually HELLLLL
fucking. fuck fuck.
OOK so sometimes when i talk to a guy or get really trapped in his energy I start taking on his thoughts James and I have now started to do it. where he gets all weird and it bounces to me.
This last couple days wasnt that healthy. My feelings to leave are increasing.
i worry that he isnt totally happy here. and is only living here becuase he has to.
I feel like Im only here because at this point he is focing me to be here.
I am here because I am drawing and creating which is important to me.
Today i cleaned my car, and then i took monkey for a walk. i made juice and then a whole bunch of resin stuff. and then i did a few tarot card readings.
I feel like my energy is being drained by James.
He mentioned how to he would like to own a buisness and work for himself. but he encourages me to not work from his home. and go work for someone.
I want my own place. I want to have my own business from my own place.
WHYYYY the fuck to do I keep moving in with guys? HOW THE HELL DID THIS FUCKING HAPPEN
Dear FUck. Im so fucked.
DO you know what happens when you move in with guys? you may have well have just pressed the self destruct button. you will spend the entire time trying to fight their demons. Whether they are saving money, wanting to move, wanting to change careers.
ALL of those. you will feel.
You will start to pick up their negative feelings towards things.
Please let this go.
You liked doing lashes, you just didnt want it to consume your whole entire life.
I think it would be good if you worked a deal out from Layers.
WHy wouldnt that be a good idea?
If you can do makeup, permanent makeup, and lashes from there. I think you would be happy. JUst contact the LPN people to see how you can keep your hours some how. Force yourself to be self employed. And then get those special benifits. ANd please DO NOT talk to anyone about your career choices ever again. Just ask Jesus to protect you. And your wolf. Your Wolf doesnt like James. He has a strong Wolf as well.
He works harder to protect himself from you. Then your wolf can work as hard to protect you.
SO hes taking away your guard and leaving you un protected.
I would go see Aggie and Pat again soon.
You need to be re programmed/
ALso talk to that Matt guy.
I hate to tell you. but youre in way over your head/ The second he started anal sexing you. Which happened twice now. You started to lose your guard. WHich is scary.
Youve put on weight, youve got lazy and depressed and you let a human get in your head.
You will have to disconnect and find yourself again.
You were way stronger not around JAmes.
And now you are getting a little bit crazy.
Your mom made you go crazy and un crazy and weird.
I miss my parents being close.
I am really really unhappy in this fucking Hell of a town.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Im not sure how the heck i am going to get out.
I will be ok i will be ok.
At least im happy.
Im always happy and thankful.
IM not sure where to go or what to do.
I dont feel like James is really on my team. I feel like he wants to dull me down. Get me pregnant and make me just stay at home and do nothing.
It bothers me that when I move in with people I cant do lashes from their houses.
GRRR.
WHat am I to do like seriously.
Maybe Amanda Decoste will finally have my house to rent. OMG NO I want to leave here.
But where do I go?
Crystal WAlley needs to leave Fort Mac. How did you end up here in the first place?
Maybe Kelowna or somewhere nice in BC.
maybe just apply for some jobs and see what could happen. You never know maybe someone could use you for something. Maybe that house sitting website.
im freakig out. im just some weird hermit.
who reads books and makes art and never sees the sun.
What am i waiting for ? I think the whole world is out to get me. but its not its actaully nice to me. and happy and hoping to help.