today I write form one of those places.
a place from where my mind and body have drifted apart and my soul has awoken. I am sad. I am human. there is no part of me that has felt any different. nothing i can do or have done has changed the way i feel.
I feel lost defeated, found changed. let down. held up,
I have come to believe in god and a force that is within and around. but it still doesn't make any sense. the more i know the harder it is to be alive. the more awake i am, the more i realize i am asleep.
Im alone in this world. and i am self aware. i am aware of the fact that no matter what i do , i will die. time will pass and eternity will go on. i do not know my creator. but if my creator is god, i know him. i see him. i feel him. i talk to him. i still dont understand.
i am aware of my mind. my feelings. other peoples feelings.
it is one of those things. other peoples feelings compared to my feelings. Selfish verses Selfless.
I am beautiful and i can be ugly.
we are never alone, yet we are all together.
and my dog is so cute.
in my heart i long for answers to my reality. to my consciousness.
why am i here. i am awake, i am questioning. I see spirits i hear spirits i free myself from negativity.
i am allive
i want to be in love. i want to be safe.
i want to be with someone who understands me and helps me grow to become a better human.
I want to be more beautiful.
i want to escape.
i want to create my own reality.
i want be smart.
i want to die.
i dont want to be alive. Its pointless.
sometimes i dress up and i go outside. only to find disappointment dont you understand? Its everywhere. the insanity humans other humans.
we are all alive. from the same source. the same hunger eats at us until we eat each other.
i have never found myself. i have only found god. the creator of all things but within god is so many more mysteries..
who are these other magnificent souls. created from the same light.
was he so powerful that he created us by mistake.
the trees and the plants and the animals and the sun.
it is god as well. breathing living loving learning dying .
i want more answers. i want to connect with more humans who questions such things.
I want to exist with other writers and deep thinkers.
i want to be alive and free.
i wish i could be set free. dont we all . isn't that what we all want. to escape to go somewhere else.
the secret is to stay where you are. and enjoy it.
untie your souls secrets. your individuality makes you special. and someone else special.
This time is for you.
in my soul is an artist one who will love selflessly. love the earth the light the beauty.
of magic and fresh life.
This is the one and only crystal walley.
in a world where my name is not even a word.
i got to sleep and i wonder where i came from.
all people want and give
the pain i have is that i am alive.
it hurts.
its painful
its pointless
others are alive.
i can help them.
ease their pain
but i am selfies selfies
where did the world come from.
and why
why does it feel like someone is watching me ?
why do i feel like i have the power to make my life better or worse ?
when did the people in my head start taking over my life.
Now i let them make decisions for me. they brush my hair a certain way, they decide which clothes i should buy.
They choose my path. I tottally give them full control.
the voices in my head.
they tell me to take a couple days off work because my head hurts. today two people took care of me. they cooked for me. and made me feel whole.
They took me to the light.
The people in my head are looking out for me. protecting me