im not sure how I feel today. I have the sweats, muscle pain. I feel like my throat is sore. my head is space. I am sick. I am down. I feel poopy.
I am worried a bit. about the permanent makeup course. its starting to talke up too much space in my head and I'm worried I'm not accomplishing those things i need to finish.
I need shampoo. i need to do my taxes. i need to take out time for life to do the things i need to do.
The funniest thing happened. I realized i was upset that Joy had saved money he lied to me about. And for 2 years we were together financially was really hard. I wanted to help him out so he could help out his parents. I wanted to go back to school to be a nurse so his parents could have a better life.
That is very stupid. because i became someone who wansnt happy. and i was a little bit mad at the time i spent with him. And the bad places it went. I was mad that we stayed at my parents house so he could save money and i stopped living my life.
Then he started offering me money. isn't that strange? I finally feel like i didn't ned to do those things. and now it turns around.
life is weird.
i feel like i miss talking to joel but he's not good for me.
I just got a text from someone who could maybe be someone i could jam with.
My thought are comopaceted today.
I feel guilty i didn't go to Yoga, or run, or walk monkey.
I feel bad i didn't go to the gym or eat super healthy.
Im guilty i didn't take pictures of all my beautiful lashes
i feel bad for sending so much of my energy to destiny and joel when there are so many other nice people to share it with.
i feel guilty i didn't read the rest of the reconnection.
i feel guilty i didn't super clean my room, i feel guilty i haven't been able to fit people in for reiki.
i feel guilty for taking this week off for myself and the makeup course.
Maybe i can finally have time to look into my nursing papers so i dont lose it.
I feel guilty i didn't take time for drawing or painting.
or practice makeup and drawing eyebrows.
I feel like I'm overwhelmed with eyelash clients. like i am drowning underneath them and i can't fit them all in.
i feel like i need the money, but it takes up so much time.
If i made 1500 thats all i need to live my life.
I could make that by doing reiki, or other things. I think the 500 i pay for my lash business and 400 i pay for materials and costs is a lot to keep up with
Thankfully the option to work out of layers spa can help with that.
It makes sense for me to do more readings and tarot from home because its amazing. Its a true message from god.
I wish i went alanon today, and i wish i went to mega church tomorrow.
i can't wait to play drums and practice makeup with tracy see megan to hang out, see carlos to hang out.
im ecited to help other people reach their goals and destiny
im excited to work on my books again one day, once iam not so busy and bogged down.
its really hard to run a lash business sometimes. and eat, and cook and clean and have my car.
I need to go and print out my tax stuff, and get my car fixed. because both of those things are weighing me down.
I think On wednesday it will be a good idea just to get that stuff out of the way.
Really all i need to do is write out how i made 30,000 and print out schdeulicity or something. log on to osap for the interest i paid. and then call the car place to get my car in.
Its frusterating because my car needs to be cleaned to.
and my room does. and my reiki room.
i think whats important is the eyebrow course, and the lash busines. its not so important to work on the reiki stuff right now.
even though it was getting amazing. just for this week i have to put it away.
When people really want reiki they will get it. or something.
its pretty amazing what I've been figuring out.
i think it will really truly help people.
its kind of cool. i wonder what people think of me?! that i am crazy. or positive. i dont really care.
i think it would be nice for me to go and see therapist some time just to get over those old things i feel like i get stuck on.
you know what they are. even though they are healed, they are still under there.
but feel like i got the the still water. my soul is at peace.
i didn't realize that i need to write more. i feel like the emotions are coming out.