its early, i should journal before my day actually starts.
this weekend was the wine tasting at Joelshosue. It was fun. Dan went with Alyssa, lisa bolton, Treena, meryl, destiny and some other people/ i will try to think of who else was there probably all day because my brain doesn't stop thinking ever.
Today i am freaking out because I have 5 or sets of lashes booked. Thats impossible. My quality of work is dwindelling my schedulicity is out of control. I stopped booking people in for 2 hours and now everything has gone to shit.
I spent way too much money again this weekend and am over my budget in lots of areas. I will have to sell some stuff this week to get back caught up. hopefykkt will sell ervything except for my soul. I did some sexy underwear shoots with destiny yesterday. they were nice. she will be going to big brother soon. or somewhere in toronto. i want take the eyebrow tattoo course i think that would be really cool. I bought hair features online to put in my dogs tail. I really need to stop spending money like this. its immature and restarted and i have no control. to get ready for the party i spent too much money. whitening my teeth, getting fake eyelashes, I've been buying expensive face stuff. my appearance is getting too expennsive. i just don't want to be ugly and frumpy. unfortunately at work today i will have to cancel a few appointments. oh dear i have some large pimples forming on my jawline. my computer was plugged in but it didn't charge.
In my heart I am no longer happy doing eyelash extensions. Its draining all the happiness out of my life
I am DONE it's time to actually save a bit of money. Stop following around Joel and Gerry and get a real job. And stop this insanity. My life is going a little crazy. And i drank a bit of wine on the weekend at the wine tasting party. my room is a mess. and I'm just feeling like i need go to the gym or relax but I have no time. I was starting to eat healthy and then Geryy even made fun of me.
Im having a bad day today in my head. because I'm renting this room and it feels like its time to move soon. but i can't move because i spend hundreds of dollars on my appearance. And id eat healthier but theres no room in the fridge. Its like in retarted and can't just stop whats going on around me.
My back, my eyes, my stomach everything is falling apart.
I need to get my bladder checked for that weird urgency thing because it really hurts. and its not fair that it does that becase i can't eat food. fuck you food.
i missed joy and thomas, then snapped out of it, and am just mad at joy now. and miss thomas but he's crazy.
and I'm crazy. i ended things with gerry but i didn't think about him the way i think about joel. so joel and i have been going to salsa dancing together and in going to join the triathlon club. my room is disgusting right now. my life is all fucking crazy.
i miss reiki and my connection to healing people because thats what i really should be doing.
But part of me doesn't even really believe it works. because they just end up back where they were before. I don't know if it really helps people. maybe i should just get back into nursing or something. my reality is floating all over the place.
I am out of control with my spending habits and that is ruining my life.
Its because I'm trying to keep up with a shalow crowd. I need to meet people who are hippies and don't care about that kind of thing.
its time for some test ads, a new resume.. a new direction.
i thought i wanted to write a book, but i think just cool blog posts every now and then will be good.
But i will write book.
the i wanted to to do makeup and hair, honestly
i don't know what i want to do.
Id like to learn how to paint and draw better.
i just don't have the time.. I could sit it and paint, and youtube ideas.
but i just don't ever take time for it.
between eating healthy, being social running my business. I am over life. i just want to run away from it.
Today i am going to call all my lash people and just book then somewhere in the day that is normal.
Fuck this way i am living. Theres first Choice as a job, or cleaning dishes. which would be better than what i am doing right now.
Fuck i ate cheese on pizza, and chocolate, thats giving me zits. and lots of milk in my coffee this week.
in going to have to cancel people today, and start my life over.
Im excited because its spiralled into a fucked up direction.
Im going to spend a few days applying to jobs and maybe going over my nursing license one more time.
Maybe apply for hair in banff or something. monkey and i will be fine together. I met Morgan finally her first owner. it was really cool. hopefully they can stay friends.
Id like that. because i think monkey feels abandoned .i need a day off from life today.
and a day off from thinking about Joel.
hes bring my brain up. I need to let go of him.
except he is so awesome. with his fancy house, and his fancy parties, and excellent lifestyle. its just too much for me.
i don't even think i'll join the tri club, ill make my own schedule thats similar to it.
But i need to take a step back and figure out what i want.
1. more time to work on ART
2. Eating healthy and working out
3. running a business part part time
4. practicing reiki and tarot
5. learning eyebrow tattoo
6. part time job so i don't have to be so crazy
7. learn how to save money
8. make more money
9. time for monkey, reading and friendships.
2-3 clients 5 days a week.
10. blogging, fashion, writing book
11. being pretty modelling
Job- ANYTHING because my real passion is ART