as the day winds down, I tell myself to let out the things I thought of, as they happened today. Not how I remember them in a few days. I need a clear picture of what really goes on in my life to understand how it gets so reckless..
We will go backwards.
I just texted Thomas, who told me we can and cant be friends. He wants to visit my dad and I said diver medic and he said something snarky like. oh because divers can be medics. And I said. they can be medics to divers in emergencies. and he said we tried being frieds. I recycled it. we cant just be friends. I told him I was done talking. the Chihuahuas are crying ) :
I gave them paper towel to play with. Id let them out of the crate but they pee on everything. I dotn know what to do with them. but they are so cute and I love them. awe.
anyways, so before that I brushed my teeth. I want my teeth to be whiter, they got a little bit stained with the amt of coffee I drink. I long for a new computer.
then I put babyoil and Vaseline on my face we will see if it locks in the moisture. then I thought about how I like running my own business. and whether I do hair or reiki or lashes, or photography. Im meant to be self employed. also, I will look for a job with first aid/kids/sports like my psychic said. except just a part time gig. as well as apply to lpn jobs all over ther world. maybe Hawaii.
I think I am ready to live my own life. and I feel like wow. it took a while. but it was like the last 5 years I was living it for a guy. now I un brain washed myself. and am living it for me. thank you pitch perfect for selling womans with futures, and making fun of women with babies. I appreciated that <3 here to hope women will get there.
I took the link to the store. I went to get rice crackers. but they didn't have them. so I got mini eggs, a box of candy, and a bag of chips. Barf me a river. I hope I don't gain twenty pounds, but I don't care if I gain a couple. it always forces me to get more active. which ive been skinny lately, and I become less active. I really want a bike. I think ill find one at a garage sale this weekend maybe. or rollerblades I need those. I need to join sports that are cheap.
I like running but not enough to do it every day.
before the store, and link ran off his colar while I wanted to peek in the furnitre store. I cleaned my room, and the lash room, and the upstairs. the dogs peed a lot. so I cleaned everthing like a million times.
then I skyped my parents for my dads 63 bday. and we sang and he opened cards. it was really cool to Skype them!! joy came over and brought my dad a bottle of wine. it was cool
they were getting lobster and hanging out outside. they looked like they were having fun. except I was trying to get some sun outside, so it was alittle hard to see them on the screen. then I ate my weird healthy food. and got two new clients. I tinted anitas eyebrows and waxed them. and she liked my Kelowna idea now, so when I tell her I think I want to stay. she kinda seemed to talk me out of it. when the other day she said for me to make my own decisions. she complained about her weird bf, and I took my eagle feather over her energy and cleared it for her because she was being so negative. she had a huge hole near her heat chakra just sucking in energy and going to a dark empty black hole. it was scary. I just realized I lean my hands on my face when I type. but right now I cant because my face is covered in Vaseline. how does one type while they are in bed comfortably. I told her about my interview for northern nursing. and I said I could do her brows after, and I felt like I had to explain to her that I needed the time before to prepare for the interview and it was like she questioned me about it. as in to say, while why couldn't you just squeeze me in anyways. I feel like I cant really hang out with someone so negative. then she the hair cut I gave her looked like crap when she straightned it but she liked it. so maybe I need to take some more layers off. I didn't take off much because she didn't want to loose any length. then her eyebrows were a little dark after the tint. im sure she hates me or something. LOL oh well, we are friends besides all the rest. I think she is unhappy. and I wish I could fix her. I wish I could fix everyone. I feel like in time I will be able to fix myself. but id rather just fix other people. Im fixed in my own way. and it works for me, and I make adjustmemts when need be. I guess I can be open to the fact that I also do need to be fixed.
so then the interview I was supposed to have called my parents house, and left a message. they didn't call my cell phone. I called back a number but it was out of service so I must not have written down the right one.
but the banker at RBC said they happiest and most successful people are the ones that work for themselves, and he gave me high hopes for muself for this year, and wants me back in a year doubling my assets. he said im young, and not to be hard on myself. he said I seemed very ambitious. he talked to me for a while, and he was really nice guy. RBC is really tring hard to take TDS business. Ha TD I just may leave you.
even though you have been acting nicer lately.
SO I will be re motivated thanks to my banker guy. he made me feel proud for not getting into debt and being ahead. he said in a few years my money could start making money. I put 250$ in an acct and next week I will add 250 more and we will invest it in something. I am very very excited. for the last 2 years I said I would go to RBC and start a savings acct and I never did. Do you know how much money I spent and wasted just on nothing?@ about ^%&*(
in less then two years. just invisible income. you know its scary to think of how much was spent on gas driving down the road to nowhere, or booze or cabs , cabs and booze, stupid things, food things, other peoples food things. man o man. enough is enough.
new start second chance. don't screw up!!!
day 5 of not drinking. im deciding that when I quit smoking I let myself binge on junk food. I am going to do the same for quitting drinking. I feel like alcohol is the gun at my head, and I have the power to pull the trigger. I want to take the gun away. and openup a new door.. that's what the 10 of knights said for me to do.
yeay to that! this morning I did adrianas lashes. she is the best.
she talked me out of Kelowna a bit , but said I need a routine, whatever it is. and stick to it. maybe here, maybe Edmonton. but do it.
shes so cool. and she ivinted me to her bbq. I will go ingto more adrinana information at a later date. but shes cool.
ok . I am exhausted. my landlord roommate tamara, is nice. she has a pit bull. I feel like it would be ok to have monkey here. and I feel comfy enough I could stay a while. that's weird. I just need to ask her if shes ok with me being here a while, but at the risk I make decisions very quickly and just might leave. BLast crystal don't leave! this place is so good for you. just start making jewellery like planned. and work at photography. JUst keep going and embrace your life. stop running from it@! wholy cow. enough said right? listen to you!!! who cares if this place isn't for everyone. YOu found somwthing really cool here, people are probably just jealous. don't leave until u have to. this is for you. its about time
get niacin