I am slowly waking up. It is Sunday morning. I worked a few days at the hair salon. it was a good experience. I am loving working with Avebda hair colour and products so far. The clients are nice and the people I work with are nice. My boss is even nice. I just have to keep up my positive attitude. It actually beats doing lashes all day. I can see myself really enjoying this. I need to empower myself and live life for me. Buisness doesn't work because I am the type of business owner that runs my business for my customers and not for myself. Lately I have been feeling like life is meant for me. not just the people I serve. I feel like I am meant to work on photography, get healthy, be happy. Save money and move forweard. I went out the other night. It started at Brainnes house for a glass of wine. Then Lacey messaged me to come over a few times. So I drove over with a glass of wine left. She was cutting this guys hair- travis or tyler, I cant remember his name. But he was super duper cute <3
It was just me Lacey her husband and this guy. He seemed kind of quiet, he didn't really even say hi to me. but kinda smiled, or something. I felt weird like she was trying to set me and this guy up. but she said no. just no one else wanted to go out. They gave me a beer, and we sat around and talked. Lacey was wasted, but she looked like she was ready to have fun and go dancing. We thought it would be a good idea to go out for 1 drink. yep red flag. that's how it always happens.
So we got a cab. in the back of my head I was hoping that we would get in the cab and then I would get it to drop me home. Either on the way to the bar, or once we got to the bar and I didn't have my ID. BUt I got in the bar. So I ordered a beer. we danced and sat at a table near the pool table. there was a bunch of miss matched people everywhere at this bar. it was laid back, and a small dance floor was displaying a mixture of people all ages. sort of like a wedding dance floor. so I danced a few songs with lacey. fireball. oh I tried to remember the songs, but all I remember is the two ladies, older heavy wearing jeans and weird white tshirts. they were shaking it like no one was watching. then the indian guy in a suit and had some crazy moves, and was getting every girl to take part in his routine, he looked like he was having a lot of fun. The there was the ballerina girl. who definitely looked like maybe she was a dancer once, but tonight she was just high or something.
I decided to let very drunk lacey find new dance partners, and I sat at the pool table for a bit watching the guys play pool. The guy we can with.. Um Tyler? Before he left the house, Laceys husband made him wear a sweatshirt of his, that was a bit too tight. It looked really good on him. And because we came to the bar together, I figured there would be a good chance we would be going home together. Instead of returing any glances being passed to me by other weird guys. I checked out Tyler.
Laceys husband Cody, was a much better pool player. And I feel like he was sort of embarrassing tyler as I watched. Tyler had a cute smile, and a funny way about saying stuff he knew he didn't care what other people thought, except he was still a tiny bit shy. When we were sitting at the table in Laceys house before going, he had a sort of confidence standing up for his wants "nO way, im just goin home, you guys are trouble"
He kinda piped up making fun of them a bit, realizing he knew already what was best for him. But you could tell he didn't really wanna leave because he stayed. except he kept saying he wanted to leave.
We didn't talk. to eachother at all. But I was kind of staring at him. He had brown hair, long eyelashes, a grey sweatshirt ripped jeans, pretty tall. but not too tall. I good build, he looked like once he was in pretty good shape. But he had a sexy hotness about him that a few pounds looked good. He had a sexy face, with the eyebrow symmetrical face shape. He looked hot at some angles, and cute from others. Defintely the perfect age, build, face, personality compared to any other guy in the building. A couple guys tried to make conversation with me, but my dunk was mellow escape from life. One guy sat with us, and could tell there was nothing between me and tyler, and decided to join our group. not sure if he was laceys friend. But he seemed interested in me, and where I was from. He wasn't as cute as Tyler, and he seemed too Newfie for me. half his sentences with positive the other confusing weird newfie talk. It gets hard to understand some of the newfie talk. And I was from BC not Ontario to her friends, because Ontario and NEwfie don't like eachother. And I had lived in BC so I guess it counts.
At about 130.. before last call I switched to water, and desperately wanted to leave. but I was offered another beer by cody, and becoming better friends with LAcey. she was a fun drunk, the kinda I was used to back home. She reminded me of me 6 years ago, and she reminded me of my good friends back home. I didn't realize before how much she actually seemed like she could be a friend, not just that girl I rented a salon chair from and became retarted and quit. She is a very awesome person. Lucky and hard working. 26? I can't remember but her energy is good to be around and I feel bad now if I just left, plus my car is at her hosue, and she said I could crash there. So it makes sense.
last call we order a few more drinks and finally get into a cab.. The guys are nice and pay both ways. which is ncie. I always have cash and feel like I always pay for the cab. Im pretty well broke this week , so I don't really offer to buy anyone anything. and pretty well broke means completely broke. I took a 6 week vacation from my life, to um figure it out? ANd be indecisive. which if you read the dictionary, means you aren't really doing anything at all. Not acoomplisihing not doing. Pretty much just thinking about all the roads, options, opportunites life good give. I was trying to think really hard of the best situration highest outcome. balance, $ etc. most decisions I make, I make without thinking. So basically get stuck in a web of some crazy persons idea for a quick life solution to one problem, yet others unravel at an expedential rate my life spins to confusion. SO I left my good paying job that gave me no happiness or life, to go back home to think of a better idea. Found lots, got confused and did nothing for a bout a month. Until I made the decision- where to live, what to do, who to live with, can I brink my dog? and I picked the offer with most money, least time worked. 12-8 sun mon off. $300/ day
I feel like my indecisive paid off so far. because all of the things I planned so far make sense. ANd more sense then just running into the first thing that came to me.
However, the first thing that came to me, would have not left me as broke as I am now. But in a few weeks I'll be more ahead then I was before. So I'm happy. And thankful someone else is paying for the cab.
We get back to laceys and have another drink.
she mentions going into the hot tub, but they guys don't jump on the idea.
We have brought home that other guy now. I think he likes me, but I keep staring at Tyler. I have no idea what to talk to him about. Beucase all night I have been talking to Lacey about hairdresser stuff and life, and gossip and all that fun stuff girls talk about. Plus I haven't dated or met a new guy in over a year. Broke up with evan in January, continued to sleep with him until February, dated no one in march or april. it is now May. And I miss being cuddled, or talked to. or something. I am not interested in new guy. Even though he seems nicer and more social then Tyler.
Lacey grabs me aside, and says Tyler is in the washroom and if I want to do him. hes into it.
That's randomly weird I think. Besides smile at eachother we are strangers. I roll my eyes and think yeah fucking right. no way. The next guy I sleep with is going to be my husband. Im not just gonna let some guy get away with my vagina power. Girls are volnurable when they lose that. ANd I have way more respect for myself now. after that horrible breakup. What does this guy think. And why do all guys think that? I am seriously looking for a life partner. My perfect perfect by my side, till death do us part. This guy? I don't even know him. So yeah, I talk to lacey and she says. well if those guys aren't going into the hot tub we should. so I like that idea. We change into bikinis. she has a bunch of new ones in bags for visitors. BTW Lacey as a million dollar home and her and her husband make a lot of money together. They are young and hard working. SO they are normal and laid back. But I forget, and am kind of amused when she goes to find a bikini and she pulls out about 30 for herself to try on. I think of how I have one or two bikinis from wal mart. and have had the same one or two bikibis for a couple of years. her closet is amazing. and I just try not to look at it. It reminds me of the closet I shared with Evan. But I didn't have nearly as many clothes. HE did. But I felt bad, around him like I shouldn't be that superficial. Oh and her room is purple and decorated like a girls room. But like an interior decorator made it. Its beautiful.
She whines about her weight, and tries on ten batching suits. she fusses about it. And im just thinking its your husband. why are you trying to impress him? I pick out one that looks like it would fit her properly, and its a beautiful. but she tosses it away and keeps trying on ones that are too small. And they make things look way worse then they really are. She is mad now at me, that I look"good" in the bikini. I feel good In it. I feel toned. But ive been working out and eathing healthy. and when I look at my hair and face, They look 31 years old and tired. but my body is ok.
I hate my tattoos though, theyre awful.
Finally after about an hour. she picks a suit and we go into the hot tub. she gets the hickemeups. and goes back in side. now I alone with 3 guys in the hot tub. They give me a beer, and we talk and listen and sing along to the country music. Its Dwight Yokum or something I used to listen too. I think we had the cd growing up and I know every word. its fun. and the lights around the backyard play to the music.
They have a soft tub, not at artic spa.
Artic spas are like 14gs, and soft tubs are about 1000, I remember having the conversation with her a few months back, while I was working with her at her salon in her home.
She was complaining that they bought so much stuff lately and spent so much money. and once they got bored with one thing, they just needed another. She wanted a hot tub. I said Evan had just spent so much on his, and we never really use it, and its a pain to keep up with. I said since you've spend so much why don't you just get a soft tub?
Its all the same. Hot water and Jets. The way a guess purse is really the same as a Walmart purse. But in her backyard a soft tub feels weird. compared to everything else in her house. It feels like they probably could have just got an artic spa. She doesn't seem in love with the hot tub. And after a bit, I do miss how powerful the jets were in evans artic spa. Except when you have people over, you don't really use the jets. so this one is perfect for guests, and it still has jets that could massage sore muscles.
The guy with no name who is nice, sits beside me and we chat. then I think tyler sits beside me. then tyler gets out, and his but is soo hot in his undies. omg. Then he comes back and sits acorss from me. or something I cant remember. I kept sort of rubbing his leg with my foot accedednatly when he was sitting beside me. I chat with no name for a bit. but hes not hot.
We go inside. dry off, have another beer.
Now Lacey is realllllly drunk. And I am so tired Im not talking. its actually 4 am. I have to work at 10 am.
I say good night, and creep into one of the spare bed rooms. Lacey comes in- You should invite TYler in to cuddle, I'll send him in.
I say no.. But I know It would be nice.
The other guy that was there, says loudly and sort of unimpressed how hes driving home. Lacey is in her room doing her makeup up something, and tells Cody to tell him not to leave. I cant remember now, but either before or after this Tyler popped his head in the room I was in. I can hear Lacey sort of orchestrating things. he awkwardly asks cuddle. its 5 am now. I had actually fallen asleep for a few minutes. He looks cute, he take off his hat, he has a nice smile. He lays beside me and we cuddle. he starts to caress my skin touching my stomach. He immediately turns me on. I giggle. I don't stop him. It feels amazing. Hes giving me goosebumps. it tells me I looked sexy in the bikini, and I am a tease now. he said something that made me feel like, in the outfit I was wearing I was gross and frumpy. but in the bikini I was a sexy tease. that he now wanted.
he gengtly massaged my back and touched my skin everywhere, and softly touched my hips and caressed me. I pushed him off of me a bit, and said I needed sleep. so he would stop and we fell asleep. for about 5 mins. then he started more. and I turned around and we started kissing. I couldn't get over how perfect his face, kiss, lips, body, everything was. we talked for a few minutues. he had a house in newfoundland, was a scafolder, wanted to move to Kelowna, or something. he just moved back here too. and was confused about life as I was. I liked him. and we made out.
I coudnt remember if his name was travis or tyler. it drove me crazy. we fell asleep in eachothers arms. it was nice. I wished I could stay. my alarm went off, it was 730. then quickly 8 am. I threw on my clothes and left. I awkawardly didn't say goodbye. or get his #
I said Ill talk to lacey. and he went to the washroom and I left. I didn't hug him goodbye. I got scared that I would like him. and he wouldn't like me, and there would be no point worrying about him because he would just go on to break my heart.
But I smiled about him all day at work. and it made the no sleep worth all the while. I barely made it through the last hour of work. and I get home and text lacey. she doesn't text back much. and says shes really hung over. I say how her friend was cute, and she says something funny to me. But nothing like I want to hear. I want her to say, he likes you and wants your #
but I relieved as well.. I condsider going online dating for a bit, becase now I am desperately missing human contact of the romantic kind. but online dating lead me to evan, who broke my heart. and leaves me conused, torn, broken, stronger, rebuilding, confused, and happy and sad. alone, but with friends and family. but all too much my broken heart is still not healed.