So I have failed again... I am infatuated with another guy... Please help me! anything anyone.... its letting me get so corrupted, I'm not sure if I'm up or down, bent or strait..
I wish I could be the good me all the time., I feel like I admire that person so much,. When I am not her I miss her, I am envious of her. She knows how to get out of debt, she knows how to be lonely, she knows how to say no to people... She takes good care of my skin, and makes me jog even when I dont want to. I know shes in me somewhere, the girl that has so many ideas... I see her all the time!
let me tell you.
SO yeah, I dont know what it was about my last entry, It felt like I was maturing, the things I say Ive always felt or allways known about myself but can never change... I hope I can change! the butterfly is my courage and strength! but I do not see light at the end of the tunnel sometimes..
I guess I can be too happy I guess I can live in a fantasy world. But its anice one, But when I face reality sometimes its hard. I dont like what I see.. Sometimes I see a hair behind, sometimes I see friends I have barely communicated with,. sometimes I see lovers I hate or love to much.
What is life, as i was thinking about those layers, they make so much sense, But what exactly am i Unlayering?
What is the afterlife.. Who am I? am I going in the right direction.. sometimes I feel I have completed everything on this earth anyone would ever want to. sometimes I feel like I havent even begun! I have no memories sometimes, and sometimes I am only memories. I see people that arent here now, They are pictures in my mind, they are on the other side, they are around me all the time. They give me hope. That I have some great plan that I came here to learn something, to evolve so my spirit can brighten. How bright does it really have to get though? I think its about time I was shown how to help others, I see them struggle, I know I will be there one day for them, we will all find eachother one day.

As for me,, I must take everything one day at a time, and remeber why I regret making those mistakes. I have been given another chance... I dont know what the opportunity is that awaits me, but honeslty Its all about being thin and having a good complection....
hmmm how shalopw. the river is only as wide as the stream that leaked into it... oh yeah