So Im waiting for my package to come from Steiner.. its taking them so long.
Im going to have to fly to England, and all this crazy stuff in like 2 weeks
Im starting toget a little scared.
I dont want to book my flight though unti they send me the package.

Bummmer !

So I wanted to get a tattoo today then Ichanged my mind.
I wanted to get a moon star thing to remind me of loving myself, in my many phases,and to remeber today, this moment in my life becuase I feel happy.

I want to remeber how to love myself, and do things for myself.

Its important to do that.

Well I dont know what I am going to do about my work. when do i quit>! its like 2 weeks untilI go now.. but I dont want to quit they are so nice to work for...
and I dont want to leave becaseu of luke.

But i know its not good to drop things in life for a guy or a gurl.

we went camping on the weekend.. it was really fun.
everything we do is fun

its sad to think i wont get to spend all my time with him anymore
we go on so many dates! awe
I love luke so much...
I really want us to stay together for as long as mentally possible!
were both so scared of things going crazy and bad, that we make sure things stay healthy, and we reallyt are sweet to eachother.

I feel like everyone I have fallen for has tainted me, becuase they never really feel the same way I do.
I dont feel like this is some crazy romantic, awe i like him so much thing, but I think we make it work. its almost been 3 months.

i like luke but i know how retarted I am about liking people, he just makes me feel like he feels the same.

It makes life seem stupid when you fall in love withpeople every week, and it ends up failure.

I think Ive never really loved myself, which i think now Im finally understanding, with beingable to be alone, you really learn who you are inside, and why the really weird annoying stuff comes out and blinds your true intentions.

life is one big game, its got suprises good or bad around every corner,

Inside is the outside, and being content with where you are right now, having the right perspective on things makes life work better

I wish I felt awakednd all the time, or just positive, hating my life is stupid, I am who I am.

I am happy with the crazy adventures life has brought me on, I am a stronger better person all the time, I am contsantly changing, I am happy only for a second, and it changes, so i find happieness again in everything I do.

I'd really like the cruise ship to work out, i trhink metally i will be ok, becuase I will be back in 8 months, with alot more money then I left with
Even though having the money i have reight now is great! im almost debt free, with 7500 doll hairs free on my creditr card! usually its opposite!
working full time pays off,, its a sacrifice, and hard to find a good job, but doing it makes you so much financially safer.

I dont want to cut hair forever, but I really want to do it right now, and when I need to change carrers again, I know it will only be an exciting adventure again in my new life..

Im finnaly buying land in BC. with dan, so that will be cool. too!
who knows it could be worth alot in a few years! and i could live there to and do god knows what. lol

I want to stay on track. I want to be free from drugs, and other depressents. i havent smoked weed at all for almost 2 months, and I realized I have never done this before, i have always smoked weed socially with every single person I hang out with, that I actually feel like a cloud is being lifted off my head,

yeay cruise ship job and no weed,
I hope all is good
and all is bad

because it just is.