wow ive been writing in this diary for so long, I remeber when at one point it used to be so busy that no one could write in there diarys. Now i feel this place is more ghost like, they will probably delete there files one day. thats why Iwill back it up on my hard drive. Dont yea know.
So yeah, I just picked up Kamiya to wax her eyebrows, but we are out of strips, so i dropped her off atschool.
I want new pants. ha.
She has discoverd kensington market i love that place.
Anywhoo,
Im going to be done school in a week.
I think I have leukemia, haha
But i want to get tested except ive seen my dr. for so much shes going to think im mental,,, Oh wait! she already does, thats why she made me go on lithium. wonderful.
anyways, I have issues, and they invovlve, weight loss, super tierdness, weird rashes on my body, like freckle partys, and lumps, I have 2 that Im getting removed in the next couple of weeks. I remeber what freaked me out when I went to greece was that I got blood work done and they said I was to sick to have a baby, and when I researched the blood work it kept leaning to Leucocytois, which is a form or a discovering factor of leukemia, I wouldnt be freaked out, but I am getting carpul tunnel syndrome after 3 months of cutting hair, and it linked it to leukimia as well.
Im getting my breast cancer removed and my under arm cist removed, by a breast cancer specialsit. its not necessarly cancerous at all its just fatty fibres stuck together, but its been 18 mnts since ive had an ultra sound, and i read somewhere taht un treated cists and tumors can turn into cancer when they lose the outer sac. so i am getting alittle worried, and the lump is feeling unconforable.
I also feel un comfortable in my skin, and that was a leukimia thing to. ive also had swolen glands my whole life, and when I was 2 I had a giant tumour removed from the lymph node area on my neck, or something. its kinda gross.
But yeah, I feel so sick. lately when I goto work they always say i look tierd, and honeslty i always feel teird im sick of it.
i also notcied a drastic weirght loss in my face and body, and i have been working out less, I also have no energy to actually work out.
Im probably just lazy. but i get chronic depression. mixed with Mania, which turns into Pychois, after a while, im also noticing giant memory loss, i lose track of what im thinking all the time, My long term memorie is getting blurred, and my short term is very picky, but i have smoked alot of weed in my life, even though i have bought it twice, everyone i know smokes me up.
Hmm so yeah, I feel like a hypocondriact! but yesterday I had my allergy appoinment and my breast appointment so i guess its the flavour of the week, i got wicked nose and eye spray to combat this seasons allergies! yee ha! isnt it funny that U just discovered I have allergies?! Ive had them for most of my life but just blamed it on a reacurring never ending spring gold that Iget at the EXACT same time every year!! i remeber thinking it was a conspiracy, becuase I used to keep these calanders, that I wrote everything down on every day of every year, for years. and I got sick On the exact same day 2 years in a row, I was so freaked out!!! but its really just when the Birch tree is in pollen season. Funny?! huh!! Im allergic to trees.. Oh god great. My allergist told me this last year at the end of the season and he said, next year right before it starts i will get you prepared, and now i am ! so yeay, Man looking back Allergie season is helll!!!! i remeber driving to my cottage to visit my dad in May and my nose was plugged and i could barly see the roads because of my water eyes, and my troat it gets violated every year, i alsways lose my voice,
Grr! so you can get shots to. Now that I know its allergies this year I will be ready, BUt maybeit will be as bad as My dust migte allergie, I cant sleep anywhere if I know there is dust, i go crazy now, because i dont shrug it off I know its an allergic reaction! just my luck.

Sooo. Im so angry at my life, i feel suicidal all the time. NOt in a sick way, but i pray in every possible way for the good lord to kill me.
I pray for a lightnening bolt to strike me, or for some drunk idiot to smash my car while im driving it, or if i sneaze and accidentally go in the wrong lane and someone kills me.. It goes on. I hate living at home, I think both of my parents are super BI polar, they are crazy! its scary.
and Money sucks, I cant just save enough to get ahead. I feel like i will alays be stuck here.
I owe almost 10000$$ doesnt that suck!!!
the interest is killing me and I still live at home,. I think I should claim banckruptcy, and get on with my life, I could get a fresh start now.

I have a carrer, which is hurting my wrist like you have no idea.
Mother fucking CTS
hmm so yeah. as soon as first choice fires me i will look for a new job.
I was thinking of applying in Toronto for p/t and just commuting. and staying at aaroms whenever i could.
Im sure there are better jobs there.
and I will get hiried for a crusie ship job asap. I just have to keep working on the intervew they sent me, and re apply to carnival, it appears they have moved since I last sent a letter.
Ottawa would be cool,. but I dont know if its meant to happen, I am fearing being broke. I mean I am broke every week anyways, because I give my dad and my debts all my money, but thats just it. even if my dad is serious about me saving to move out, I still owe him 6000$ for my car and 3000$ for school I promised I would pay,. and then there is my 7000 on top of that, overdraft 500, 700, credit cart 1400, and osap 2600, Its gay super fucking gay. I think i m going to join the army!!!!!