2006-02-02 / / / / im dead inside

oh yeah, mickey and i arent really living together, we got in a big fight
I feel like hes cheating on me.
I dunoo things turned out alot different then expected.
I love him so much though. But its so hard. I get jealous when he goes out all the time with his friends, and I get mad when he smokes to much. We could have such a perfect life....
He was so nice to me today, I cried in his arms for an hour, about how crappy I felt, and he listened. I complained about not having friends, not ebing stable or having enough money, not being happy, doing to many drugs,
I cried about the dead babies and how I will never be ready to have one, i cried and cried, and he held me and said i would be ok, then we talked about books.. and he made me feel good.

I wish our life was toegther, i wish i wasnt so stressed out all the time

We could wake up have tea together do our day, then go for a jog, write or play music together, and occaisionallydrink.. and talk and read.
it;s just a different life lately.
We should both get a gym pass,
and do healthy things together,
This week sucked i didnt get togoto the gym at all.
Maybe I will tomorrow at lunch.. oh yeah my pass is done. I cant believe its friday already.
I need to eat a regular time everyday, and make sure I eat healthy.
I need some journals from the dollar store so I can keep everying written down. I'd like to promote health in my bodie before it shuts down.
I feel so unhealthy
Please empty the toxins
I want my mind to be balanced for once.
I miss our house, and my teas, and my stuff, floating around. Its nice when its clean.
Nag champa and joel plaskit.
I wish i was my hippie self.. gotta get out of hairschool its killing me
Something is killing me.
Something... I just wish I was hanging around downtown on the hunt for good smelling beeswax, wearing comfy thrift clothes, and not caring how bad my hair looks, and the 20 hours a week I work is nothing. How did I get so fucked up???
Thanks for kalling friends.
I need you right now/

Blha blah blah

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