Getting older is weird. its like the older you get, the less happier you are.
I mean everyone can be happy, but not like little kids, where they giggle and smile all thetime no matter what.
its weird growing up.
Sometimes I think I am in denial that everyone gets older.
I think its weird that my parents are int there 50s but they still seem 30 to me.
Its strange how we agreed to this time age death thing. Its like yeay were all alive but, the catch iswhen you reach about 65 watch out for death its around every corner. Its like we have a time line, a dead line. life runs out.
Everyones does.
its just so darn weird to think of, time is slipping past, and no matter what one day we all wont be here anymore.
generations are so strange.
its like were all just floating around here until, we die off like the rest of the junk on this planet.
Life really makes me think/
A little to much sometimes.
I just want things to go ok, but everything happens for reasons. and those reasons happen for other reasons, and depending on your karma those reasons are either good or bad.
I'd really liketo continuie learning after becomming a hairdresser.
I want to learn about everyting.
But the same time, you dont need to leanr anything, chldren just know the basics, but it seems like thouse are beyond basics.
I guess its the whole end where you started theory.

So yes, my life lately, has been hectic. my by bolar pretty much runs my life, my moods are so strong in me. they make me so darn stubbern sometimes.
I'm happy in my own world. its getting to be a big world, a messy one, but im getting to design and create lots.
Id like to be doing more painting, but the ideas that are comming to me are all jewellery.
whichc is fine, i love jewelllery.
Im lonely. Its weird not having aboyfriend. its so good for me.
Im so dependent sometimes, its not good for anyting.
I miss wes though, but i also miss mickey, and noah, and darryl.
and i really want a close best friend.
I miss aaron.
I miss being a part of a friendship where its a good friendship.
I like the short time I worked at Casa Cappuccino, the people were kind. but the job was so lazy, and drone
I want to do better for myself.
I like life, I like it when it opens like the lotus flower.
i like fun.
hms/
anyways, i got a hairdressing job, im really happy. the lady who hierd me, is very nice, i think i was so nervous, and strange. I hope it goes well but if not, its not where im meant to be.
not everything that happenes is good.
It could be getting me back for bad karma.
I did cats hair last night, in some up dos. I liked them,but i want to do real photos of her outside, they would be really pretty.
Its to bad the seasons have pretty much changed already.
I miss my crazy mind, and the funny thinsg it would do and ramble about.
Like the ants that ate hermat crabs for lunch with me on sunday. I picked them up for a sandwhich but they would insist on eating my purse to.
is that retarted ?
I dont know.
I like to talk to myself though.
i wish i did it more,. I think I will take an alone adventure in my car soon.
Maybe on saturday night, out to the woods to listen to music and read.

I want to take wes to boxing i think he would have fun.
swimming then boxing.
Did i tell you what he did?
He was giving me a masage,and this girl called at 1230am and he left me for half an hour, i fell asleep when he came back, i was like who were you taling to, and he told me it was the girl he made out with when we broke up/
I was all weirded out, i feel like he wants to do stuff like that to me all the time now.
I dont know im sad i cheated on him but, not because hes an ass sometimes,. he just doesnt say the nice things ever.
Im glad i met noah, he changed me, it we were supose to be together for that one night, it was perfect, the wine, the food, the bed, the sex, the kisses, and talking, it was so absolutley perfect, that i never would have given that moment up for something so un perfect.
maybe that is crazy?
Im not sure, but Im the only one who is going to be here for me in the end.
I dont want to hurt anyone, but its not my intention