2005-09-25 / / / / its scary

I saw it today,
I saw the way I comminicate, I wait..
I wait for the oher person to fill me in, and then I reply.
When I dont just ramble first.
And when they ramble, I take it in to serious, and listen really listen.
when I reply I over analize the situation, and am scared to say anything, Im just living by the way they talk.
I saw this by looking at cappy and I in the mirror, My face looked like I was waiting for him to say something, and he looked like he was waiting for me to say something! Then I started babbling about my room, and he seemed very happy and joined in the chatting.

I guess Thats me. the waiter.
So my update on nOahH
I'm so confused abouthim, this is the most confusing relationship in the world. I believe he must be equally confused. long distance relationships are strange.
I feel like I wantto know him and like him becuase hes out of my league, he seems like he would be a good catch.
you know, the tall dark and hansom, mixed with a great personality and carisma, everyone likes him, and hes very confident,. Im almsot jealopus, he even has a good career and a car.
i guess he is 34. and hes a surfer. But my problem is Im not sure how much he likes me. but you know what how can we know if we like eachother or not? we only met once, and we live in different countrys.
I feel like I dont want to flirt with him in case hes just being nice to me becuase we had a oone night kinda thing. and he doesnt want to blow me off so i feel liek shit. but maybe thats all he wanted and hes just being nice by saying he wants me to go visit.
How can two people know they like eachother after one nice night?
I get to quickly envolved with every guy I meet though. and then they end up being a waste, well not entierly in my mind, but to other people imust seem crazy. I think I have been encredibly lucky to experience so many amazing men in such a short time. haha
I think it's made me grow so mucgh. I think of things all the time I have learned from guys. they can be really smart and enlightened, and the best psychic connection is sex.
I feel truly connected forever to any man I have been with.
Its a good deep connection, like I understand them before they do. I look to deep sometimes, and overanalize, until I dont see the outshell anymore, I dont see mine and how they arent good for me
Thats with everyone though, some people just know how to get the bad out.
I feel like I can see those things in people, I feel like they bring them out of me. I have a pretty dark side under this pink shirt.
It goes deep, if i am by bolar it goes to the deepest darkest bloody hell of red,
which is preety scary.
I like being on the other side of it though. and I guess I can be interested in noah because hes the only guy I met on lithium
Which is weird. I knew wes before the lithium..
man id love to still hang out with wes.. it makes me so sad. Id like to still han gout with all my exes.
and have sex with them all to. well maybe just a couople of them,
Id have sex with justin again, just to see how different he is. or how bad it was, he was the second person I slept with.
I wuldnt sleep with mickey again, not until we are maarried! and curt, im not sre if i feel wanted by curt anymoer so that would make the sex not to exciting.. i wouldnt sleep with mac again. i dont think we even really did? I would sleep with brian again, becuase he felt like love. i would sleep with Jk because he was so cute and shy, nd I would be with noah, becasue he def. had the most experience, oh yes and i would sleep with wes, he treated me very nice. he was the softest but most pleasureable guy i have dated, except he didnt touch me enough. but yeah......... i would like noah agin, beccase he did touch me and make me orgasm a few times during sex with his hands,, most guys dont do that! maybe thats why i stopped seeing wes, i cant tell guys what to do they should just know.

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