I feel lonley at this moment,
I don't think Ive ever felt lonly before.. until aaron mentioned something about me just being sad because Im lonly.
Maybe its true.. maybe Im bitter becuase inside im empty and alone. the only ones who can get close are males who want me snatch.
maybe i just want them to love me because i dont love myself.
why else would i not have friends?
hmm its kinda sad.
I have to work out and goto therapy and avoid at all costs risk appearing bi polar. wholy fuck. being diagnosed with a mental illness is serious people fucking turn evil towards you becasue they think you are different. yet I simply stop the meds and say the psychiatrist didnt know what she was talking about and everyone respects me again.
Maybe they saw the lack of respect I had for myself when I chose to go on the drugs, or look for help from complete strangers who would make me live less.. so i could cope better with this make believe stress i have accumulated.
I need friends,. but good friends. Where arethe good friends?
I wish I could buy some, I have 100$ in my pocket.. I tried to buy shirts but couldnt find any. so now what do I do?
I feel like my smile is missing.. where did it go for peatsake.
Incubus is my savior. is that safe?
Is it safe to be addicted to Myspace?
is it safe to have sex with people you just meet?!
hahahhaha
I love to do that.
Oh Noah my secret love for you must die.
For I do not know why I love a stranger.
I love his friend to though, so that makes it so confusing.
what do i do?
and why does that always happen?
when I get one job, 2 more call, when i meet one amazing guy, his friend ends up getting with me.
its ahk.
I think in the end my mind will begin again and this life will start all over again. and my room will seem new again.
my arms will seem softer and i wont have the need to smoke or be cool.
and i will changed myself before i even turn into myself.
stay away from the boys, and decide to be a jeweller young so you can apprentice when you are 12
then when you are 22 you will be in magazines for expensive jewllery that i dont even make, my monkeys do.
and when I say monkeys i mean real monkeys. thats right
Shhiiit
mfaka