Listening to bouncing souls and hanging out with cappy, what a nice morning.

Im glad the weekend is over, hopefully now I will be able to catch up on my sleep.

Im over tierd, if I didnt make plans with brock today I would take a sleeping pill right now and fall asleep until next weekend.

I really want to cut my hair again, except Ive spent so much money on my visa that I'm scared my monthly payment thing will be huge, becusae now Im also on overdraft.. its so depressing. But I still have some cash left to spend on visa. I need a job, Its not fair how Ive been screwed for money the past few months. its really gay. now that Im not at sticky fingers I should be looking for a better waitressing job, but I keep thinking they will call me or something.

Ive been doing interviews all week to get a job out west with staff acom, but all of a sudden I think thats a bad idea and I should really try hard to get the jewellery job sam has offered me. but that doesnt start for at least a month. so I need a job for a month.. who is going to hire me? I left a note at the video store telling Dusko to call me for shifts, but still if I was working there it wouldnt be enough money anyways and it would get in the way of me finding a better job.

Lake Louise Chateau is calling me today, Im not sure If i will be here or not. but im probably hired, I could work there all summer and save money and probably go next week, but Id be missing a good jewellery job. I dont know. I really want to be out west, and this job is a good one... suposivly.

Im craving my own place again to.

yesterday I hung out with Gord and we rented movies and got pizza, eww i ate meat yesterday, now i feel gross.. meat makes me feel gross. but yeah we hung out and I was mad at Brock becuase on Sat night me and cat went to Yuk Yuks with him and brock was disgustingly flirting with all the girls he works with, and he was really drunk and being a weirdo, so I called a cab and didnt really say good bye, i left really bitchy like.. its over i hate you. But then yesterday when i was with gord, i couldnt wait to get home to call brock. I really think gord is hot, but once again we didnt kiss or anything. its kinda ackward.

But yeah, brock had called me so I called him back. I needed to ask him about cats id, but then we started talking, and we talked for over 2 hours. and we made plans to hang out today, so Im meeting him soon downtown.

He asked me to be his girfriend on Saturday when i was at yuk yuks with him, and then we were going out, but then we broke up.. as a joke or something? and maybe that made me mad. but i cant figure out what made me so mad..?! so I guess now maybe when we are sober we will be boyfriend and girlfriend? i think i like him.

he likes alot of music and hes cool..

I was reading through Malcolms e mails the other day! it was so funny, well sad to kinda. but hes telling his brother that i am crazy, and not talking to him.. its funny the emails he gets back, beucase its all advice about us! like his mom is telling ghim to come home and stuff, and his dad is telling him to stay out there and find a good job, and find his siter one to! and he said that I will realize malcolm is the nicest guy so i will get back with him! and his brother is just like, man stay away if shes crazy, do your own thing! its funny, but i feel bad for malcolm, but good to. I dont feel like i was mean to him in our break up it had to happen and i think it happened a good way, becuase he hurt me by not going through with our plans of getting an apartment in banff and stuff, so he could have saved things if he wanted to, but he kinda ruined things. Im sure he will be ok. well I hope he is. and he is a nice guy.

but I dont have those feelins like i miss the good times, its weird. usually i go through a huge regret thing after breaking up with someone. I hope brock isnt a rebound? ha. Im happy Cat and Aaron are being good friends of mine again, and I couldnt be happier. i need to make good decisions though, i wish it was clear the right thing to do, I feel like all my life Ive been chosing the wrong things, and i knew the whole time.

strange