i spent such a long day inside, recovering from my jog and pilates work out yesterday, which left my muscles soo sore. I think im to poor right now to get a gym pass so Im going to run and do my pilates work out everyday. i cleaned alot and redid some of my braids, and now im hanging out with Captain flint. were great friends. haha he can alsmot say hello, and he whistles quite well. i miss being out west, i miss feeling ok with doing nothing but working and admireing mountains. being in ontario living at home is driving me fucking crazy, and its not fair. no one should go through this hell. i cant belive how bitter i am. captain says its ok and i will come around.. but everything bad keeps going through my mind, like me going back toschool, or me working I dont actually want to do Any of those things.. so why cant life be likei want it to be? Id rather be a bumb prosititue on a tropical island. then be where i am right now. me and aaron talk about commiting suicide beacuse we hate it here so much, so why hasnt our fairy godmother rescued us? Id rather be a naked fly infested ethiopian child, then a bored crystal walley. I hate that i went to school for 2 years and it brought me nowhere.. so why should i goto school again? why should i work again if i have worked for the past 8 years and have nothing to show. why cant something excting pull me away. or why cant i just be satistfied? is it becasue i know something better awaits me out there? i bet if anyone eles was living my life they would have lived it a million times better then i have. I feel like reading right now.. maybe my answers are hidden in a book somewhere.

ive been thinking about my plans to goto hairdressing school, and i almost want to goto photography school more, its something i actually do alot of and find it incredibly interesting. if im going to be a hairdresser, why not just be a waitress?? its really not that much worse. or why dont i just do nothing because i have 0000000$$$$$

id like to be sitting in a beach house admiring my surf board. making jewellery out of my house. so how can i do that? and no one can help me anyways because tomorrow i'll change my mind. isnt there anything or place for us troubled people? i mean i offer my time to anything. anything has to be better then me sitting at home all day.. isnt there a cause? maybe I'll join the army. hopefully we can kill people, the biggest problem the world has is over population, so lets fry the bastards. I think the media should brain wash people to become canabuls, that would make life a little more interesting., we would all be mesmerized by krafts instant finger dinner. yes thats right we even include thumbs. or how about watching the new human cook house advertised on tv with mouthwattering shots of our flesh simmering over a bbq. im sure they could pull it off. the problem of world hunger, and over population and boredum would be solved! we could spend all day hunting, or hiding for our lives. Im a genious. i bet thats what will happen in 30 years. that will be my prediction.

so yeah, My new years resoultion, actually i started a week before new years, but made jan 1st my official start date anyways becuase its easy to remember. yes so it is to not eat meat, or drink alcohol, or eat chocolate smoke weed or have sex. so far its been pretty simple, no meat no alcohol, i dont really like chocolate anyways, and i never really smoke weed. but sex, its a hard one to give up. partly becuase there is another person involved and they didnt make that there resolution! but yeah, i think ive only had sex with mac about 15 time or less our whole relationship anyways so that wont really matter. and i havent eaten meat since a while ago, it was a chicken wing at a chinese place i went to with aaron, it had pixie dust on it so i had to eat it, but that was a week ago. i think i might switch sex for tv now that i think about this. hahhaa that would be more fun. my famliy knows about my no eating meat thing and they are trying to Crack me, they think im doing it just because my b.f is a veggie. my mom made chicken wings! thats my favourite food, and i almost gave into just one. awee but i cant! its fun.

ok yeah bye.