SKipping stones,. missing

missing stones

lately this place i am tapped in seems to be the cause of all my sadness, but i know it is me and the actions i take, this constant up and down is to much for me. I feel sorry for making the lives of those around me confused. and troubled. I need to be somewhere else. thats all, but thats how i feel all the time. anyways, I just got an email frm my friend Mary who went to scotland and i was supose to move with her. it sounds like shes having fun, shes met fat bot slim and gone on adventures. Im so jelous because i had the same chance to be there. and with her. and meeting people, but i chose the boy instead. im crazy. why am i such a "romantic" it fucking sucks. i was doing well single. anyways, I also found out about my Reiki level 3 which sounds awsome, but its a little expensive especially when I dont have a job, but I would get to teach reiki at that level, which means i could teach all my friends and everything it sounds cool. I just dont know honestly how spiritual i am.or if its just a hoax for the spirtual world to make money off of me. bah. i wish this world would end. if i had a nuke i would use it and blow us all up because people suck life is a waste of times, and yeah. "so sick of being tierd and tierd of being sick" i dont know what to do. My life at the moment, Ihave 1,400$ and a credit card with 2000$ i live with my boyfrined in a shit town, i eat food and work out. i dont have a job, and i dont do any of my hobbies. i cant paint in this house. i cant think strait. every day i decide to do something new, Hair dressing school, Art school. business school, travel, loan for craft place. run a way to bc or halifax. or anywhere. i need out of this town there are so many better places then here. but i love malcolm... its to hard to be away from him. AH im trapped