I hate knowing that people look at me... i hate feeling that they dont really know what they are looking at. they just see a pretty face, or a skinny body. I hate that i want to be this place. i want to run away i hate that. right now my dad is still awake, and hes explaining how he loves to paint when hes stoned.. and i just explained how all my acryic paints work, and hes painting a picture!

its kinda funny. im hapy that i have a job. its my home. nothing else is. what did i do wrong to feel so jaded? i made a comment to Laina, dont pick anything you like in school just make sure you pick something that makes you money and do what you like on the side. I hate this world all it wants to do is see everyone of us fail.

thats all..

so yes i give it to you.. watch me fail just get it over with.

arg, what now. tomorrow i have to wake up to goto the video store. but my acquintances will see me again with a smile. and my apperance wont be dirgracefull. i hate you

when you close your eyes who do you think you are..

when your all alone are you really wishing someone else was there.

where is this thought of a new realization beginning. dont take now becuase everyone sees past the beginning. if this place is so wonderfull why arent we all dancing and living the dream. we all get sick.. we all get distracted and were all the same. but some... some make us more angry, draining our energy making us short and small. with nothing spledid living inside. i cant take this happy feeling. i want everything to turn black so you will close your eyes and I can disapeer forever.