i was enthrawled

meep. I had a good day, they all seem that way, no bad no amazing. which is alright a happy medium is fantastic.

I stayed and LIndsays last nite it was fun, weve done alot of talking lately which is cool! its weird I dont know how we became friends. I dont feel like i have many relationships like that. where we are open and i dont feel bad for talking to someone, and i actually feel like shes listening to me! you are cool LynZ.

But yeah, I continued my job and ended up liking it a little more today, both my boses are hot, damn i think im in love. haha. Cournty an old friend from highschool works with me and she made me happy because shes actaully someone at work who is friendly! everyone seems a little scary, but i guess its because im new. it was courtney who got me the job there. it was really nice of her becuase she saw my resume and put in a good word and i havent seen her in about a year! i want to feel secure there tho. I bought work pants and two work shirts so they better be worth it. damn scary black clothes. they make me feel professional though.

I saw brian in the mall and i like hugging him, i wish i would still call him he was a neet enlightened person. awww theres so many neet things in the mall... I want heaven perfume nag champa inscents, hot underwear from American Eagel, and a really neet necklace from Ardene. but i feel bad supporting the mall when i know there are indepenedt businesses downtown that sell neet stuff to that would like my money and appretiate it even more. I bought a neet tank top for the bar. its not really a bar shirt but its the skaniest thing i own, i better pick up some studs in it tomorrow. haha. OMG i really find having crushes on guys pointless. I feel strong. crushes are the devil. I went skate boarding tonight, Lindsay came with me for about 15 minutes. I can almost skate up a ramp and back down. soon i will learn how to do tricks off of them. I want to goto bed now but my clothes are in the dryer and i have to wait for them. i finally went to the gym today.. and i tanned. and i didnt eat any candy. its so hard, wait i ate 3 cookies and a sucker from the bulkbarn, but thats it hehe I just listened to some Greatfull dead, and cleaned my room a little it was relaxing. I love the summer. or the spring its so nice. i wish my direction was clear right now. everyday i feel like i have a new idea. like i saw a web site that advertised cruise ship jobs, and i was remined of swap, and austrailia, and teaching english somewhere. its so annoying. I want to be able to enjoy the summer here in my basement alone, working and learning about the earth and its energy. I feel like i have no close friends anymore. Meredeth is far from a close friend if anything i feel like shes using my to be "cool" which is really weird to say, but i feel like she pulls out all my energy and is in a competition with me. its annoying. becuase everyday she wants to do what im doing now. I mean i love that shes so open to do new things and meeting new people but i dont think its all comming from her, shes to attached to other peoples energy and not being around her for the week made me realize that. plus im starting to be independent. i need to be able to do more things alone, like goto the girls gym and swim in the pool, im to scared to do things like that alone. I dont know why. suposbily its because im not an only child or something but whatever.

so Kamiyas sister wants me to paint monkeys on her wall. Im excited i think i might end up doing that this weekend. Julian theory and Ataris and Death by stereo are all comming to town. I want to see them but at the same time i dont want to be bombarded by the punk scene. its so annoying to me lately, i miss the music but i cant stand all the stupid gurls staring eachother down and everyone being so dressed up. its so annoying. and ihate how its so expensive just to take a bus, subway then taxi, or street car, buy dinner and the ticket. its expensive. living in toronto would be a great thing if yoyu liked concerts. i wish good bands came to barrie. i cant wait until om, but its still far away and i have to pay alot of money for that ticket. I cant wait until aaron comes back.

people in my life:::

Cat-- maybe i see her once a week, to goto the bar

Lindsay-- moving to Banff, got to see her for a week before she left

Curtis-- feels bad for talking to me because he has a new G/F

Meredeth--will probably spend most of my time with her, possibly medetating going to fuda buda, skating and the bar, and gym

AAron-- if he visists barrie on the weekends im sure we will meet up for coffee

Gord-- works full time, lucky if i see him once a month, hopefully we can skate together

Sara-- cant wait until shes done with her boy toy and comes back to me.

yes so thats all for now