good afternoon.

i had a good day today (:

although i cant say the same about last nite, i went to an awful party/concert with curtis and tyler, it was so ackward and boring and i felt so out of place, the stupid people there were so immature, yeah and then curtis gave me more presents and my family presents, ah whats with the presents it was nice and all, but i really dont feel like i should be taking all the presents! like maybe if we were together or something but yeah. whatever. for some reason i feel mad at curtis right now, for being so controlling and stupid. were so opposite and im so bored of everything he has to say, and hes just a guy trying to win me over theres no real chemistry between us. its just one big game and i fucking hate it.

yeah!! well what else is in the weather. i went to the gym this morning and burned so many calories it felt so good, i really wish i did some kind of sport or something where there was a reason for working so hard, but i feel healthy! more healthy then i ever have, well except the day after christmas, ohhh.. i ate ice cream cake and everything ! yum.

so yes i hung out with brian this afternoon we made pizza and made out and even had sex. yep it happened. i dont care if i say it, its the truth.

its so weird because we care about eachother when were together but im probably nothing when he leaves. so i dont know but its so much fun when were together, the sex was nice by the way.

i just have to not think about it i guess! even tho it makes me smile when i do, we kissed so much and hes so cute

at first me were kissing and cuddling we didnt really say much and we got so carried away it was really hard to keep my eyes off of him.. i think hes one of the sweetest guys i have been with. butttt if you want to be truthfull and serious, how can a guy who cheats on his wife be sweet? i thought we made some kind of agreement not to do it, because we both didnt want to cross the line becuase it would effect us both becuse its kinda serious but really its just sex! sweet pasionate nice sex. and im just a girl to him and his wife knows suposivly! i think he told her we already did sleep together, and she reacted ok and wrote him an e mail and then i read the email. theres so many voices in my head right now!! free spirited is good, sleeping with a married guy bad! bad karma bad karma! its also weird becuase i know so much about mandy she sounds really nice and i will probably meet her one day because she comes back soon, but i think brian is just lonely and loves being cuddly. awe.......

i feel evil. but i know i will talk to him again soon because we made plans to see a movie together and go snowboarding and finsih a drawing we were working on..

all i need to do now is find a twin of brian who is actually single. i was his 4th and he was my 9th wow i never thought i would make it past 1, i didnt really want to... but my search to find the perfect guy has to include perfect sex! hahahah i cant believe this happend somebody beat me up.. i have no morals..... i wish we were all hippies

ok this entry will come back to haunt me im sure of it, but i had to write it down, im really bad at holding things in

peace Crystal