2002-12-17 / / / / tuesday morning

Hi

you know how sometimes you just cant sleep, well i just cant stay awake...

i think its partly becuase im depressed but i finally got up after sleeping since last night at 11:30 which is really early for me, and ive already tried napping on my floor... i want to drive away for the week since theres no significant reasons why im here right now. but i have no where to drive to. yawn....................

so yeah i will catch you up on what i have been doing the last couple of days, yesterday i went to curtisis for little while and we watched CSI, and befreo that my parents brought home kfc yum. and i went tanning and to the gym around 8pm. and before that i slept the entire day. it was kinda weird becusae my dreams are so real and it felt like i was awake all day but i was dreaming, i thought the fence was gone in my backyard, and i looked today and it was still there.. im not really sure whats going on. i dont have anything to do until 6pm tonight so i think im going to have a long bath and go back to sleep. i also need to clean my room. I went snowboarding with brian the other night and it was really nice, we had fun we played games and tried going off little jumps. and then we went into the chalet thing and we were the only ones there so we sat on the love seat and drank hot chocolate. awe brian is so sweet... i hate boys. it just makes me more upset becuse i know brian is married and i would feel wrong if something happened between us but hes so flirty. he called me yesterday morning to make sure i got home ok, and he just called me now becuase he locked his keys out of his car and he needed someone to talk to.. hes comming over tomorrow morning so i can see if his hair can be dreaded. he likes dreads alot, so were going to try to do his. all i can hear in the back of my mind is how much brian flirts with girls and he plays them.. but hes so sweet abouut it... hahaha ok im a loser. i miss being in love, like the sweet highschool kinda love where all you want to do is kiss. yep so this week i have to decide what im going to do next year because if i want to goto school in another country i have to apply now. i cant wait to get paid this week to go christmas shopping. i had dreams last night i went christmas shopping and it was fun buying christmas presents and all. i remember buying lots of lipglosses for people for some reason, and the cashier person was mickeys girlfriend, maybe i went to walmart! um yeah.. i wish i was crazy and i tried to blowup mcdonalds and then i got sent to a crazy house, that would be so much fun. alright if anyone is actually reading my diary please leave me a note so i can read yours..

peace

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