Hi diary

its thursday morning

yesterday i gave christa extensions in her hair and then we went to the bar, we wactehd big wig play and they were good! they covered the song The Waiting Room by Fugazi! which is one of the best songs ever! then we all waited in a line up that went to no where! hehe but it was fun, and i got to play with kitty cats. hahha i will get the kitty cats...

yes im a little concerned right now of the relationship me and Curtis have, im not sure if im doing something right by hanging out with him all the time, or if im intruding on his life and slowing him down from moving on...

i dont want to be mean about it but i guess being friends really doesnt work.

so its either friends or nothing, he lies to me.. and he uses me to be happy, i cant change him. he needs to go and find his own happieness. we are really open and close we can share alot of stuff, but i just dont trust him... i dont know what hes after in me, he tells me he loves me and wants to get married and does he notice that i dont feel the same way back???? im only 19 and when we broke up i let him go. im attached to him but maybe thats only hurting both of us. I never want to see him and get the cold shoulder i think im really affraid of that, but i know if he wasnt with me he would probably forget i exsisted and find some way to hate me. Im just angry, because i know i tell him everything and he keeps stuff from me! ahhh its so gay i wish i wasnt in this situation it just feels wrong.