Hi diary

whats going on in the interent today?

nothing but mind numbing wastless hours? i thought so..

well where do i start??

hmm i guess i stayed at curts last night

hmm did i write in here last night? oh the whole curt situation is making me wakko i dont know what it is, should I stay or should I go.. its only hurting the both of us this way. yeah

we watched ghost world and ate food that was nice.. then we went to bed accept we didnt go to sleep we got into a humungous talk about everything and we ended up hurting eachothers feelings and just making me feel like crap... like nothing good came out of it, it didnt even feel nice when i kissed him good bye. hes just holding onto the fact that im here for him he doesnt care at all what i need or how i feel. you know if he really likes me around i'll be there... but yeah usually you like to be around people who make you happy.

and when they tell you your going back in life instead of moving forward how are you supose to feel? mostly last night i felt like i wanted to cry.. if i was in need of suport i really dont think curtis would be there to give it to me, hes very concerned about himself, even though he is a very decsent person and im probably horible and evil. i know he would jump infront of a train for me and if he saw a cool rainbow something hed buy it for me, but i know were not soul mates or whatever were not sentimental, were like people who are open with eachother and can get along occaisioanlly. i wish i could get some advice. i mean i think about curt alot and i want him to be happy and all that but i dont know, i know theres something not right about us. AHHHHHHHHHHHH

why do i care..... whats going on......... i thought i was past this whole situation. i thought i was

i hate relationships i hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate

ok maybe there not that bad, always having someone there to talk to... thats what i like the openinss.

yep and planning the future with someone thats exciting.. and happy memories. and going on dates

oh god make me shut up!